A Pork Event

Last Sunday I had the fine pleasure of attending Coffee Bar and 4505 Meats Pig Out Party, a live butcher demo and pig roast. And while there is an obvious knee jerk reaction to such an event at this time, I refuse to even acknowledge some pandemic fear because my love of pork runs thick and deep. A fellow swine lover, Sigmund Naah discovered this event on tablehopper earlier in the week and secured a reservation for five to this much sought after event. For $35 guest’s were treated to live butchering demonstration, a drink of choice and then an all out assault on a bbq’ed heritage pig. That’s right, Ryan Faar grilled up nearly each and every part of Homer for a faboulus Sunday Supper.

The rain had sub-sided late on this Sunday afternoon. As we wait in line for our drink ticket, Dengue Fever reverberates in the background, outside a gruff hipster in a Tornado sweatshirt stokes the coals on dual barbeques. Up in the mezzanine there are communal tables covered in yellow and white checkered table cloths with dixie bowls of the world famous chicharrones. I choose a 2006 Balletto Russian River Pinot Noir, the nose is earthy and slightly fruity. It’s a perfect day for this Pinot Noir and it pairs well with the salt and spice on the crispy fried pork treats. The air is thick with anticipation. Smoke from the mesquite charcoal and the lingering scent of fresh rain hover nearby. Something magnificent is about to happen. The crowd is assembling nicely. A mix of foodies and neighbors, all armed with fully charged digital cameras.

Enter: Homer. A six month old Herritage pig from Daisy 5 Farms in Kansas. As he is hauled up to the butcher platform in the mezzanie, the room is a blaze with flashes. GREAT SCOTT, ROBIN – is it Lyndsey Lohan??? No, not even. It’s a god damned cleaned and gutted pig, that’s what it is. Now, I live in Los Angeles. I’ve been to those red carpet deals. Often you’re blinded by the flash (I mean, at least that’s what it’s like for ME). I can’t imagine what little Homer would have felt at this moment. Truly he has arrived in this world, even though he is actually dead.

The room is alive. Frenetic in fact. You’d think none of these people had never seen a pig before? Faar is bearing two simple tools, a Global Fillet Knife and steel. He and his wife doned matching t-shirts for the occasion, black with a white dominatrix whipping a pig, that reads “Say It Sexy Bitch”. Ryan begins breaking down one side at a time. For demonstration purposes, he has select 105pd pig, which is larger than he typically uses. The pork we will actually eat today is a smaller Durac breed, which was butchered, and seasoned in advance for grilling. The seasoning is simple; fennel seed, paprika, coriander, sea salt, pepper and fresh rosemary. Farr works with great ease and speed, explaining step by step what he is doing and a bit about the uses for each of the cuts. In the back ground, the Dj has moved onto The Beastie Boys, while a handsome cheese plate is the first to debut on the buffett. Most of the audience (or papparzzi in this case) is unaffected by the arrival of food to the buffett; hanging on each and every word of Faar’s, throwing around something about some Meat Paper thing. “Did you read that?” READ what?? Is this a trade magazine? Is there something I don’t know about? Sweet Jesus, Mary and Joeseph – did you forget to send me the memo? There is an entire magazine devoted to meat that I don’t know about? The room is still ablaze with flashes.

Homer, here has had a natural grass fed diet for his short existence. He has been shipped overnight from XXX to XXX. The little curly que thing marks him as a Heritage pig. On the back wall a projector, projects (as a projector should do) the world’s most famous pig movie; Porkies. What else? Farr uses nearly every part of Homer. As Homer’s saddle is deftly removed, Farr explains how to cure a Ham while tray passed corn dogs circulate through the room. Our hotdogs are house made of course with a natural sheep casing by the Chef himself. The sun begins peak out, as Sutro Tower holds a thick billow of fog at bay on the other side of town -this signifies something to my geeky-snap-happy group of pork loving friends; and that is Rose time! It’s Sunday after all and it’s now sunny in the mission. This is some what of a Sunday tradition. We stick with Balletto for our Rose. Farr is nearly finished with Homer.

There is sun, there is Rose and there is Dj Denizen, who is now rocking a remix of Frankie Vallie and The Four Season’s Beggin’. The mood is decidedly changed. In fact, it’s getting down right funky. We haven’t even got to the main event and we are drunk with pork. Our communal table is shared with the proprietress of California Caviar. She too is armed with a digital camera is snapping away furiously. For a short time we digress and discuss the topic of the endangered Sturgeon. A Coffee Bar employee notices we are drinking Rose in Pinot Noir glasses and promptly returns the appropriate Reidel stemware. This warms my heart. There is nothing worse than great wine in cheap glass. As we anxiously await Homer, Anthony Beckman of Balletto Wines stops by our table. The 2006 we started with is all estate grown grapes. Balletto’s Pinot Noir grapes were first planted in ’96. Beckman explains that the prime years for these grapes is between 10-25 which is perhaps why this particular Pinot is sold out!

At last it is time to eat. Again, the room is a blaze with flashing cameras. It’s just food dear people? We elbow our way through the line to feast on the tenderloin and porchetta; charred carrots, potato and leek salad; market greens and grilled spring vegetables. The potato salad has an ethereal quality; it’s the absence of mayonnaise and what seem to be fennel flowers. For the main course we decide on a Argentine Malbec from Mendoza named Tierra. Perfect tannins for the smoke on the meat and earthy flavors in all of the root vegetables. And just when you think it doesn’t get any better than this, the DJ drops Craig Mack’s "Flava In Ya Ear" . . . as desert arrives. These people are GENUIS??? I totally get it. Craig Mack. Flavor. As if on que - bacon, peanut butter and chocolate brownies arrive at our table. Beautifully orchestrated. Now if I weren’t blogging for the purpose of getting a job, there is a superlative that begins with F. that may have gone in conjunction with this chocolate, peanut butter and (f)ing BACON creation???? But, for the sake of gainful employment, I refreain from such language.

This was by far one of the most memorable Sunday’s I’ve had in quite some time. The people, the food, music and wine were fantastic. Things like this don’t happen in Los Angeles. I think it’s time for Dorthy, here to get back to Kansas. I’ll click my heals for now and hope Murphy Goode will help take me there.